When Did We Learn to Row Alone?

On Inat, independence, and the myth of being self-made.

Aug 28, 2026

Hello, photophiles! Another photo, another paigaam.

Inat - a word of Turkish origin that became deeply ingrained as a mindset and a cultural concept unique to the Serbs.

It is that stubborn determination to do something simply because you have been told you cannot. It is choosing to stand your ground when circumstances tell you to surrender. Sometimes it is pride. Sometimes dignity. Sometimes resistance. Sometimes it is unreasonable, even self-destructive stubbornness.

And sometimes, it is the very thing that keeps you going.

We may row our own boats, but none of us learned the waters alone.

The moment I captured this moment, my inner self echoed the children’s rhyme:

Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.

No matter how many people you have, no matter what your relationship with them might be, no matter how close-knit or no matter how distant those relationships become, eventually, your hand is on the oar, it is ONLY YOU, who have to choose your own battles and fight them until you last.

These days, even when someone reaches out with good intentions, we find ourselves wondering, “Why are they being so nice?” or “What do they need from me?” Sometimes, it feels as though ill intentions have become so common that genuine kindness itself makes us suspicious.

Perhaps it is because survival of the fittest has found its way into our relationships too. People are increasingly valued by their net worth, their usefulness, or what they can bring to the table. Somewhere along the way, relationships have started feeling more like transactions—almost like business deals.

We protect ourselves.

We stop asking.

We stop expecting.

We tell ourselves, I’ll do it myself.

And after saying it enough times, doing everything ourselves begins to feel like a badge of honour.

Self-made

I hear that word often.

But I don’t think anyone in this world can truly call themselves self-made.

You may have fought your own battles. You may have worked when nobody was watching. You may have picked yourself up when nobody came looking. You may have made difficult choices, survived circumstances nobody completely understood, and rowed through the uncharted waters, against the currents others knew nothing about.

That part of the journey is yours.

But somewhere along the way, someone taught you something, gave you an opportunity, believed in you, opened a door, challenged you, rejected you, loved you, disappointed you, praised you or inspired you.

And sometimes, even the people who stood against us unknowingly taught us how to stand for ourselves.

Isaac Newton once wrote:

“If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.”

Perhaps that is the distinction we forget.

Owning your journey is not the same as having made the journey alone.

Being the one holding the oar doesn’t mean you built the boat, created the river, understood every current or learned how to row entirely by yourself.

Maybe none of us is truly self-made.

Self-driven? Absolutely.

Self-determined? Perhaps.

Self-reliant? Sometimes necessarily so.

But completely self-made? I don’t think so. We are made from little pieces of everyone and everything we encounter

I am an eclectic mix of people who loved me, helped me, left me, underestimated me; the opportunities I received, and the ones I was denied; the mistakes I made; and the circumstances I somehow survived.

And yet, we all row differently.

Some are rowing their boat, tolerating everything that happens to them in their life, to get their things done. Some are holding to their dignity, self-respect, believing it’s better to have true enemies than fake friends, while still involving others when they genuinely need help.

Perhaps, then, life is less about how fast you row and more about where you are headed, how you maneuver the oar, and when you choose to let someone row with you.

To know when to hold the oar.

To know when to let someone hold it for you.

And to know when to row against the current.

Terati inat!